There were some grammar mistakes, and some spelling mistakes also, but in all, it's a great story! (seeing that I helped a little. XDD) But it's a little straight forward, it needs some suspense... ya know? like... a little bit of mystery. You had it all great in the chapter before, but still, ya need to work on the suspense. ^^

You did a great job, once again! And hope to see the next one soon! And maybe a little bit more of Leo in there would help... it is about the two of them, not only surrounding one of them.

~Hope, Freedom, Love.

~Rush