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:icongoldendrakangel:
There were some grammar mistakes, and some spelling mistakes also, but in all, it's a great story! (seeing that I helped a little. XDD) But it's a little straight forward, it needs some suspense... ya know? like... a little bit of mystery. You had it all great in the chapter before, but still, ya need to work on the suspense. ^^

You did a great job, once again! And hope to see the next one soon! And maybe a little bit more of Leo in there would help... it is about the two of them, not only surrounding one of them. ;)

~Hope, Freedom, Love.

~Rush :heart:
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:icongrace-winters:
Grace-Winters Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Leo was in the whole thing XD.

And okay! Thanks Rush! ^^ I'll keep that in mind. :)
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:icongoldendrakangel:
GoldenDrakAngel Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah, but not in the last one, you left out the funny part... XDD

Doc: How are you feeling, spartan?

Leo: Like shit, sir.

XDDDDD

still, good thing that you will. :)
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:icongrace-winters:
Grace-Winters Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student General Artist
oh sorry XD I forgot that part.

^^
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:icongoldendrakangel:
GoldenDrakAngel Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's ok, it'll be an inside joke then. >w>
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:icongrace-winters:
Grace-Winters Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student General Artist
Alrighty X3
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